my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
