he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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