it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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