Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
