oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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