The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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