He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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