eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
