it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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