It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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