hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
