you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
