The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
