lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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