If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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