On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
