Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
