Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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