so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
