I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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