you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
