Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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