meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
