she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
