if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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