i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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