I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
