I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
