im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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