Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We named our party play list daddy issues
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
