Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
