so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
