I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
