Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
