I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
