I think scott just propositioned me for sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The adults are the big ones right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
