Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
