Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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