i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
