just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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