Having a random hookup so left but love u
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
