VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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