i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
