you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
