fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
