it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
