I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
