if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
