So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry about my life...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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