Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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