Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
