Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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