I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
