After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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