I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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