Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
